Why are "WE" single? Commitment!!

SINGLE.....

I am a "single" mother of 2 little girls, The oldest being 8 years, and the youngest being 1 year. There are so many women around me, and in my "circle" who are either single and/or single mothers. Let's ask the question , WHY?

Back as far as I can remember, society and everything around us told us we were to grow up, get married and then start families. Obviously that idea went wrong somewhere. Or is it that we went wrong somewhere on that journey to obtain that ideal. Media painted this pretty picture of fairy tales, and how prince charming would come to sweep us off our feet, or save us from an evil step mother and a fire breathing dragon. We were to clean all day, sing sweet ballets and go to a royal ball. The Prince would instantly spot us because of our beauty and we'd wed. Well, guess what? It doesn't happen like that in "real life". In fact, real life is so painfully disappointing that I now know why Disney sold little girls dream of happy endings and fairy tales. They knew that the expectations from their movies were so far from reality, that we'd buy them because anything had to be better than what we actually lived.

In New York State, according to an online census , 66% of African American children are living in single parent homes. Hispanic are at 54% and white are in at a low 21%.  So with these numbers in mind, who do we blame??

Well I see a lot of women putting blame on the men. I use to blame the men too. But then if all the blame goes to the man, then when and for what are all the "Independent Women" held accountable for (I said independent because so many women have this notion that they don't "NEED" a man , for NOTHING)? They were so independent, that they independently chose this man, and conceived a child. So, I suppose that since you can't cry rape, you'll try to convince the world that he fooled you into believing he was your prince charming. That may have been exactly what he did, but your independent right? You are a STRONG WOMAN, you are so confident, that without hesitation you decided to take his EVERY word and trust him with EVERY piece of your existence. In turn, allowing a stranger to come into your world, one who hasn't proved he is even worthy of such a privilege. Enter into your sanctuary, release himself into you and exit stage left when he is done. He'd pop in and out over a few months or even a year periodically to handle his "business", to stop your complaining and to make sure no other man is sniffing around his tree. But that was acceptable, right? You never complained as long as he was doing the minimal. Then you happen to end up pregnant, and he tells you he doesn't want any babies. OK, well you dismiss that, because it's too late. You have the baby, and then what? You automatically think this man will marry you. Its 2013, those men who step up to the plate have come and gone. They are either already married, or they aren't frequenting the places you go as entertainment in search of a husband like the club, bar, etc (you wont find a husband in those places) . And why should he step up now, there are so many women who will allow him to behave in less than satisfactory ways because they too have no clear expectations, but expect him to know what she wants without her never opening her mouth to do so.

 But let's be honest, you weren't positioning yourself to receive anything better than that 30% man ( he is 30% because that's all he ever gave of himself and his time, no commitment) because you had already given him the cow. Like the old saying goes, "Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free?". In my previous post I talked about "Commitment". We as women haven't grabbed the concept completely. If we want a man to commit to us, we must first commit to ourselves. Allowing a man to come into your life, do with you as he pleases without setting an expectations of the relationship will be the cause to your heart ache and downfall. African American women are leading their homes in New York State in astonishing numbers. And not to say that every situation is the same, but what happened to the ideal of love and marriage. Why are we ultimately failing our children, then taking no blame for it. It is our responsibility as mothers to provide the best possible life for the children we birth. Why is it that the white community has a lower number of single parent homes? I'm sure this will cause raise some eyebrows, and cause some debates. I'm welcoming everyone to take the questions I asked in this post and answer them.  I want to hear what my readers may feel about this.

So , the line is open. Let's discuss!