Why are "WE" single? Commitment!!

SINGLE.....

I am a "single" mother of 2 little girls, The oldest being 8 years, and the youngest being 1 year. There are so many women around me, and in my "circle" who are either single and/or single mothers. Let's ask the question , WHY?

Back as far as I can remember, society and everything around us told us we were to grow up, get married and then start families. Obviously that idea went wrong somewhere. Or is it that we went wrong somewhere on that journey to obtain that ideal. Media painted this pretty picture of fairy tales, and how prince charming would come to sweep us off our feet, or save us from an evil step mother and a fire breathing dragon. We were to clean all day, sing sweet ballets and go to a royal ball. The Prince would instantly spot us because of our beauty and we'd wed. Well, guess what? It doesn't happen like that in "real life". In fact, real life is so painfully disappointing that I now know why Disney sold little girls dream of happy endings and fairy tales. They knew that the expectations from their movies were so far from reality, that we'd buy them because anything had to be better than what we actually lived.

In New York State, according to an online census , 66% of African American children are living in single parent homes. Hispanic are at 54% and white are in at a low 21%.  So with these numbers in mind, who do we blame??

Well I see a lot of women putting blame on the men. I use to blame the men too. But then if all the blame goes to the man, then when and for what are all the "Independent Women" held accountable for (I said independent because so many women have this notion that they don't "NEED" a man , for NOTHING)? They were so independent, that they independently chose this man, and conceived a child. So, I suppose that since you can't cry rape, you'll try to convince the world that he fooled you into believing he was your prince charming. That may have been exactly what he did, but your independent right? You are a STRONG WOMAN, you are so confident, that without hesitation you decided to take his EVERY word and trust him with EVERY piece of your existence. In turn, allowing a stranger to come into your world, one who hasn't proved he is even worthy of such a privilege. Enter into your sanctuary, release himself into you and exit stage left when he is done. He'd pop in and out over a few months or even a year periodically to handle his "business", to stop your complaining and to make sure no other man is sniffing around his tree. But that was acceptable, right? You never complained as long as he was doing the minimal. Then you happen to end up pregnant, and he tells you he doesn't want any babies. OK, well you dismiss that, because it's too late. You have the baby, and then what? You automatically think this man will marry you. Its 2013, those men who step up to the plate have come and gone. They are either already married, or they aren't frequenting the places you go as entertainment in search of a husband like the club, bar, etc (you wont find a husband in those places) . And why should he step up now, there are so many women who will allow him to behave in less than satisfactory ways because they too have no clear expectations, but expect him to know what she wants without her never opening her mouth to do so.

 But let's be honest, you weren't positioning yourself to receive anything better than that 30% man ( he is 30% because that's all he ever gave of himself and his time, no commitment) because you had already given him the cow. Like the old saying goes, "Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free?". In my previous post I talked about "Commitment". We as women haven't grabbed the concept completely. If we want a man to commit to us, we must first commit to ourselves. Allowing a man to come into your life, do with you as he pleases without setting an expectations of the relationship will be the cause to your heart ache and downfall. African American women are leading their homes in New York State in astonishing numbers. And not to say that every situation is the same, but what happened to the ideal of love and marriage. Why are we ultimately failing our children, then taking no blame for it. It is our responsibility as mothers to provide the best possible life for the children we birth. Why is it that the white community has a lower number of single parent homes? I'm sure this will cause raise some eyebrows, and cause some debates. I'm welcoming everyone to take the questions I asked in this post and answer them.  I want to hear what my readers may feel about this.

So , the line is open. Let's discuss!

Commitment....

Trying to change your way of life isn't easy by no means. That's one of the reasons why so many of us fail at our resolutions. This ties so well into my "No Resolutions" chapter of my journey because without commitment, you will fail at attempting to do anything.

Commitment- the act of committing , pledging or engaging oneself. A pledge or a promise:

Commitment is something that we have to do everyday of our lives, but so many of us don't know how to grasp that task. In relationships we lack commitment, in work we lack commitment, in family we lack commitment and in ourselves we lack commitment. The circumstances of a situation shouldn't diminish the greatness of your idea. If you set out to obtain something, than work towards that. Strive to do better. I recently realized that I've never actually committed my whole self to ANYTHING ever. That is the reason why I'm not where I should be in my life, whether personal or business related.
I watched a sermon from Bishop T.D Jakes, and he spoke about how women want husbands but don't want the commitment that goes along with it and vice versa.

"You want a husband, but you don't want to be a wife. You're just a girl who wants a man, you're not a wife. You can't have a man and not change your life. Even if you buy a dog or a gold fish it will in some form change your life. You can't get married, but talk about "I got to be myself" , Well then you shouldn't of got married"- T.D Jakes

When I read that passage from his sermon, I swear I had an epiphany because it made so much sense to me. How can I expect the aspects of my life to change if I'm not willing to change myself first. I have to first commit to my well being before I add the responsibility of being responsible for another person on such a deep level. Going as far as being friends with people requires commitment, if you can't be a TRUE friend then don't enter into that contract with them. When I wrote my first blog on No Resolutions, I had no idea how deep I would go into this topic. You can't set resolutions for the New Year if you don't have a commitment to what is it that you wish to obtain. Don't worry about pleasing other people, you WILL NOT be able to make everyone happy. First start with yourself. In order to receive love , you must first love. In order to receive commitment, you must first commit to yourself. This is a journey that has no time limit, but this is also a journey that won't be completely successful until I dedicate myself to the outcome;the greater good.

So as I move forward with my greater connection to GOD and to the betterment of my life along with my two little girls, I'm praying for the ability to fully commitment. This will be a process. I'm excited to see what doors will open for me, and YOU!

 Until next time..... Thanks for reading, watching and supporting.

 Much Love,
 Ericka

We have come into a new year once again, Welcome to the year 2013! 

I wonder how many of you made resolutions, and for how many previous years have you done so. Were you successful in your attempts? If so, was it hard? 

I look at resolutions as diets, they never work..... At least for me! So, for the past 3 years I've made no steps towards resolutions, but in turn decided to IMPROVE my life. I thought about the things I wanted to accomplish and I didn't put a "1year" time stamp on them. I simply told myself within the next few years or maybe even months, I wanted to be working toward obtaining this for myself, or changing this for my girls.  Coming into this new year I was a bit conflicted. I had no clear idea in mind of what my next life goal would be.  So after some time off from my job, I discovered that I must stop hiding from my passions. I need to work towards my dreams, I drill this concept into my daughters mind but neglected it in my life. Also I came to realize that alongwith following my hearts desire, I need to form a closer bond with GOD. 

So for the next few months, years or lifetime,  I will be consistently working towards a greater good. Working towards a new sense of enlightenment in my understanding. Trying to discover the path GOD intended for me to venture down before I decided to make my own crooked road. 

This journey should be interesting! :)