"There is a treasure in your trash"- T.D Jakes
Accepting who you are and where you've come from can sometimes be hard. You grow up questioning your heritage, your past and your community.....
In the wake of the deaths of Philando Castile and Alton Sterling the community has had ENOUGH. A fury of protests and marches erupted in what can easily be called the New Revolution. Where the BLACK community took a stand against racism and the murdering of our Black Men at the hands of the Police Departments all over this nation!
Let's take a look at the facts...
In America "Being Black" can end your life!!!
This isn't new, we protested when Trayvon Martin was murdered by that trigger happy blatantly racist fake neighborhood watch flashlight cop. We demand justice for him and unfortunately the Justice System ultimately let us down. So then.... We were sad. And we seemingly gave up the battle....
"Anytime you settle for less than GOD has for you, you have sat in darkness"-T.D Jakes
That quote is so powerful especially for right now and what we are going through as a black community. We are on a constant battle now of trying to defend our protests, trying to defend why "Black Lives Matter", trying to defend our freedom and trying to defend our families. When this world has been set up against us from the start. We came so far, yet we are still so disrespected. We are still so misunderstood. I have never been so disgusted with this world than I am today. For me to read about what my ancestors went through in the past is completely different than damn near living through a modern day race war!
I can honestly say I am battling with trying to understand the reason why my skin color is so hated. Is there some type of scientific fact behind why my people are so mistreated? On the inside I bleed , we bleed , everybody bleeds red.
"I still have a dream, a dream deeply rooted in the American dream – one day this nation will rise up and live up to its creed, "We hold these truths to be self evident: that all men are created equal." I have a dream... "
-Martin Luther King Jr. (1963)
The American Dream... What does that even mean anymore? As I child I dreamed of a big house, the picket fence, the kids, the dog and the husband. I dreamed of the fairy tale that those sweet little lullaby's told, the dreams that Disney sold. I too could live that happy, free life. I mean, this is the Land Of The Free, right? No one ever told me that for a black girl that fairy tale hardily ever plays out. I feel like I'm stuck in the twilight zone.... I've traveled back in time, let me off in Birmingham, Alabama during the 1963 Race Riots. Let me fight, let me burn down, let me sit-in, let me scream, let me pray, let me die in the name of PRIDE . Pride for who I am, pride in knowing that everything I have today my ancestors fought hard for....
To die at the hands of the people that are sworn in to protect and serve you is a big slap in face. It's like a child bullying you, laughing and pointing, saying "You thought we liked yall, hahaha.." In all actuality the only thing that's different from 1963 to 2016 is that we no longer have to use separate bathrooms or water fountains. Ok , great... ! But everything else still remains the same. A white man can kill my brother, my father, my uncle or my son and serve no jail time... I mean Emmett Till was murdered for whistling... His killers walked! Trayvon Martin was murdered for looking suspicious.. his killer walked! Eric Garner was murdered for allegedly selling cigarettes...his killer walked! Tamir Rice was murdered for playing in the park ALONE with a fake gun... his killer walked!
Black Lives Matter is not about discrediting anyone else's life. We are well aware that All Lives SHOULD Matter but the sad fact is Black Lives don't. And that's the problem... Because we've fought an endless fight on trying to secure our place in this world. We want for our lives to be valued as everyone else... We want to LIVE!
So ,
I say... Welcome to the New Revolution...Our lives matter and everyone is going to know it!
We have just begun!
Thursday, July 14, 2016
Monday, July 14, 2014
Angel of death, The Land of dreams!
Life hasn't been easy and it definitely isn't fair but I know for sure I've been blessed!
This is my BATTLE! I have walked by FAITH and not by sight!
I am a girl who had to grow up fast, I've made some good decisions and some bad. I have made mistakes , I have some stories and I have some tears. I am a product of my environment, but I don't think I did too bad. I was born & raised here in this city, I call it the Angel of death, the land of dreams. So much potential, with no aspirations. Gifted souls connected to wounded hearts. Travel down Genesee St, you'll see old Mom and Pop stores that were once the pillar of the community, that are now run by foreign men who sell everything from cigarettes to weave. The kids can't walk into the store and give them .50 cents for 50 pieces of candy. There are no more "Hey Johnnie, tell your dad I said hi" ..... The bond between business owners and the community has been lost! You travel up Jefferson Ave you'll see murals placed on corners or in the middle of sidewalks with Teddy Bears, Liquor bottles and balloons. These are markers for the souls that died in vain.... The spirits called home! The markers that show someone once stood in that spot but has since been buried! The reality of this world, anger and betrayal. There is no more "Come inside when the streets lights come on". Most kids don't ever make it home!! Now let's be real for a second, when I was growing up the drug game was present, don't get me wrong; But I came up when RESPECT was the name of the game. My friends and I could walk down the street and never worry about a stray bullet hitting us, we could stand in the middle of a group of well known drug dealers and hear how we should stay in school , get a good job and be successful. They would protect us,they'd try to preach to us and they'd buy us candy from the store. They'd see my grandma coming into the house with bags and would stop to help.
I grew up in a ghetto fairytale but I lived a kids dream. Drugs, alcoholism, prison and mental disease plagued my reality. While being a kid was fun, I'm grown now! I realized what was really going on when families became broken back then. I realized what it meant to lose the
glue of your family to cirrhosis , and to watch the remaining members separate, fall apart to never be the same again. To watch Cocaine and Heroin explode onto the scene and destroy your family. To take away your dad or your mother or both! To be left to fend for yourself or by a grandparent. Those drug dealers who were once friends are a cause to your families demise. To watch those familiar places become distant memories. The mom and pop stores close or be bought out. To watch the street lights come on and kids still be outside. To walk past drug dealers who don't even speak. To see girls being jumped and no one trying to help. To see little boys trying to men and dying in the process. Angel of death, land of dreams!!! No more helping grandma with bags instead they rob her as she tries to enter her home. They put a shot gun to grandpa's head and tell him to mind his business. Drive by shootings in broad daylight, babies and kids becoming victims! What ever happened to honor among thieves..... What ever happened to protecting the old and the young.....Whatever happened to respecting the innocent?
Life isn't a fairy tale anymore.... I'm a parent myself now. I fear for my children everyday.... Between the drugs, sexual violations and homicides my children don't stand a chance. But I'm a Woman of God and I'm a praying warrior! I walk by FAITH not by sight! My children will have a fair shot because I live to make that a reality. We won't be statistics, we'll be success stories! Even though times have changed its up to US, the parents of the new generation, to make a better way. Don't allow your children to become "markers", prison inmates or local crack heads. Go grab your son off that street corner, pull up that young man's pants and tell him to find a wife. Tell your daughter to get married before starting a family. Finish school, don't sell your body for money! LOVE YOURSELF!! Nothing will change until we starting raising successful people and stop letting these kids raise themselves! Parents are too concerned with being turned up, who sleeping with who and those new Jordan's! Your kids are watching, and waiting to be "turned up HOES with new J's" too!
This is my BATTLE! I have walked by FAITH and not by sight!
I am a girl who had to grow up fast, I've made some good decisions and some bad. I have made mistakes , I have some stories and I have some tears. I am a product of my environment, but I don't think I did too bad. I was born & raised here in this city, I call it the Angel of death, the land of dreams. So much potential, with no aspirations. Gifted souls connected to wounded hearts. Travel down Genesee St, you'll see old Mom and Pop stores that were once the pillar of the community, that are now run by foreign men who sell everything from cigarettes to weave. The kids can't walk into the store and give them .50 cents for 50 pieces of candy. There are no more "Hey Johnnie, tell your dad I said hi" ..... The bond between business owners and the community has been lost! You travel up Jefferson Ave you'll see murals placed on corners or in the middle of sidewalks with Teddy Bears, Liquor bottles and balloons. These are markers for the souls that died in vain.... The spirits called home! The markers that show someone once stood in that spot but has since been buried! The reality of this world, anger and betrayal. There is no more "Come inside when the streets lights come on". Most kids don't ever make it home!! Now let's be real for a second, when I was growing up the drug game was present, don't get me wrong; But I came up when RESPECT was the name of the game. My friends and I could walk down the street and never worry about a stray bullet hitting us, we could stand in the middle of a group of well known drug dealers and hear how we should stay in school , get a good job and be successful. They would protect us,they'd try to preach to us and they'd buy us candy from the store. They'd see my grandma coming into the house with bags and would stop to help.
I grew up in a ghetto fairytale but I lived a kids dream. Drugs, alcoholism, prison and mental disease plagued my reality. While being a kid was fun, I'm grown now! I realized what was really going on when families became broken back then. I realized what it meant to lose the
glue of your family to cirrhosis , and to watch the remaining members separate, fall apart to never be the same again. To watch Cocaine and Heroin explode onto the scene and destroy your family. To take away your dad or your mother or both! To be left to fend for yourself or by a grandparent. Those drug dealers who were once friends are a cause to your families demise. To watch those familiar places become distant memories. The mom and pop stores close or be bought out. To watch the street lights come on and kids still be outside. To walk past drug dealers who don't even speak. To see girls being jumped and no one trying to help. To see little boys trying to men and dying in the process. Angel of death, land of dreams!!! No more helping grandma with bags instead they rob her as she tries to enter her home. They put a shot gun to grandpa's head and tell him to mind his business. Drive by shootings in broad daylight, babies and kids becoming victims! What ever happened to honor among thieves..... What ever happened to protecting the old and the young.....Whatever happened to respecting the innocent?
Life isn't a fairy tale anymore.... I'm a parent myself now. I fear for my children everyday.... Between the drugs, sexual violations and homicides my children don't stand a chance. But I'm a Woman of God and I'm a praying warrior! I walk by FAITH not by sight! My children will have a fair shot because I live to make that a reality. We won't be statistics, we'll be success stories! Even though times have changed its up to US, the parents of the new generation, to make a better way. Don't allow your children to become "markers", prison inmates or local crack heads. Go grab your son off that street corner, pull up that young man's pants and tell him to find a wife. Tell your daughter to get married before starting a family. Finish school, don't sell your body for money! LOVE YOURSELF!! Nothing will change until we starting raising successful people and stop letting these kids raise themselves! Parents are too concerned with being turned up, who sleeping with who and those new Jordan's! Your kids are watching, and waiting to be "turned up HOES with new J's" too!
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Love and Loyalty!
I was recently asked where did I disappear to, and in an attempt not to disappoint I'm here to write about some of things I've been going through since I last wrote.
I want to talk about LOVE & LOYALTY! I feel like they go hand in hand. When you love someone, loyalty should be second nature. But a lot of times it isn't. Over the past 10 months, I've learned a lot about Loyalty. The people who I thought would remain by my side forever have become distant memories. The people who I thought I had the GREATEST connection with ,I thought they would love me forever. And the people who I loved the most, I thought they would protect me from my enemies. Then I realized that I was only dreaming. I've lost friends , family, acquaintances and love. This year more than any. I suppose it made it more prevalent because I lost 2 people who I took for granted. I always thought they would be here, but then when I looked up they were gone. I swear "Death Ain't Natural", but I won't go there right now.
When I talk about LOVE, I'm not speaking of just the meaning in the dictionary. I'm speaking of the feeling you have for a person, a second nature feeling. Love for me is something you can't explain. I've once told someone , "If you can tell me why you love me then it isn't real". And to this day I mean just that. But I feel like you can most definitely show love. To show love, I'm talking about communication, trust, respect and support. When you love someone you communicate with them. Never allow them to have to guess what's wrong, or how you feel, or what you're trying to say. Tell them.... leave an open line of communication. With communication comes trust. You have to be willing to trust and be trusted. In order to be a worthy communicator , your word should be bond. Next is respect. Respect is HUGE Rochester, HUGE!! If more people respected each other then a lot of these issues wouldn't even be a topic. Respect decreases arguments, fights, and a lot of disagreements. Lastly support, when you love someone you support them. I'm not talking about just financially either. Support means to walk with people through their struggles, and help them out of them. Support means to offer a shoulder when they need to cry or to offer advice when they need emotional assistance.
When I talk about LOYALTY, I mean just that. Let's really talk about what it means to be loyal. Just off the strength of the word, Loyal is being down for someone by any means necessary. It's a devoted attachment to a person, something that can never be wavered. Loyalty has been a big topic in previous years. That word and meaning alone has caused friendships to end ,families to fall apart, and people to lose their lives. Being loyal is a trademark in the streets. An unloyal person is an untrustworthy person. Pertaining to relationships, I feel like being loyal is a maker or breaker. If you have loyalty in a relationship a lot of the issues that couples face everyday wouldn't happen. Being loyal would decrease divorces, and cheating. But who I am, what do I know? I'm just speaking off of experience. I know from experience, Women tend to be SUPER loyal, when in turn men aren't at all. And that speaks volumes in our society.
The reason I decided to blog on this topic was because of my own personal issues when it comes to these two things. LOVE & LOYALTY has been a big part of my life for as long as I can remember. I've remained loyal to people who I shouldn't of , and I've loved people who only broke my heart. I'm in a new head space and I've started to analyze my life and the people in it. I started to look at the things that I've been through and understand why I needed to go through them. I feel everything happens for a reason and that there is a lesson to be learned in it all. People constantly ask me why I look so mad all the time, and its to the point where I don't even understand why they feel like I look "mad". My face has been the same for so long that I never notice the "Mad", I just look in the mirror and see "Ericka". This is who I am and this is what I have been . There is pain in my story and maybe that's why my outer core is so hard. When you spend most of your life trying to mask the pain, you start to look like how you feel. I've loved and been loved. Yet and still my pain remains the same.
To be continued....
I want to talk about LOVE & LOYALTY! I feel like they go hand in hand. When you love someone, loyalty should be second nature. But a lot of times it isn't. Over the past 10 months, I've learned a lot about Loyalty. The people who I thought would remain by my side forever have become distant memories. The people who I thought I had the GREATEST connection with ,I thought they would love me forever. And the people who I loved the most, I thought they would protect me from my enemies. Then I realized that I was only dreaming. I've lost friends , family, acquaintances and love. This year more than any. I suppose it made it more prevalent because I lost 2 people who I took for granted. I always thought they would be here, but then when I looked up they were gone. I swear "Death Ain't Natural", but I won't go there right now.
When I talk about LOVE, I'm not speaking of just the meaning in the dictionary. I'm speaking of the feeling you have for a person, a second nature feeling. Love for me is something you can't explain. I've once told someone , "If you can tell me why you love me then it isn't real". And to this day I mean just that. But I feel like you can most definitely show love. To show love, I'm talking about communication, trust, respect and support. When you love someone you communicate with them. Never allow them to have to guess what's wrong, or how you feel, or what you're trying to say. Tell them.... leave an open line of communication. With communication comes trust. You have to be willing to trust and be trusted. In order to be a worthy communicator , your word should be bond. Next is respect. Respect is HUGE Rochester, HUGE!! If more people respected each other then a lot of these issues wouldn't even be a topic. Respect decreases arguments, fights, and a lot of disagreements. Lastly support, when you love someone you support them. I'm not talking about just financially either. Support means to walk with people through their struggles, and help them out of them. Support means to offer a shoulder when they need to cry or to offer advice when they need emotional assistance.
When I talk about LOYALTY, I mean just that. Let's really talk about what it means to be loyal. Just off the strength of the word, Loyal is being down for someone by any means necessary. It's a devoted attachment to a person, something that can never be wavered. Loyalty has been a big topic in previous years. That word and meaning alone has caused friendships to end ,families to fall apart, and people to lose their lives. Being loyal is a trademark in the streets. An unloyal person is an untrustworthy person. Pertaining to relationships, I feel like being loyal is a maker or breaker. If you have loyalty in a relationship a lot of the issues that couples face everyday wouldn't happen. Being loyal would decrease divorces, and cheating. But who I am, what do I know? I'm just speaking off of experience. I know from experience, Women tend to be SUPER loyal, when in turn men aren't at all. And that speaks volumes in our society.
The reason I decided to blog on this topic was because of my own personal issues when it comes to these two things. LOVE & LOYALTY has been a big part of my life for as long as I can remember. I've remained loyal to people who I shouldn't of , and I've loved people who only broke my heart. I'm in a new head space and I've started to analyze my life and the people in it. I started to look at the things that I've been through and understand why I needed to go through them. I feel everything happens for a reason and that there is a lesson to be learned in it all. People constantly ask me why I look so mad all the time, and its to the point where I don't even understand why they feel like I look "mad". My face has been the same for so long that I never notice the "Mad", I just look in the mirror and see "Ericka". This is who I am and this is what I have been . There is pain in my story and maybe that's why my outer core is so hard. When you spend most of your life trying to mask the pain, you start to look like how you feel. I've loved and been loved. Yet and still my pain remains the same.
To be continued....
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
"Death Ain't Natural"
Where do I begin?
I know it's been a while since I last wrote, I have been thrown off my rocker and I hate to admit it but I just didn't have the ability to get back up. The last time I wrote, spiritually I was in a GREAT place and then.....
It was a Sunday morning and I was driving the bus, at my layover at Irondequoit plaza. Just sitting there and my phone rings. I answer to a crying voice, instantly my heart dropped because this call was from an unlikely person (we don't talk often if at all), so I instantly thought something from "Our Circle" had happened. BUT much to my surprise it wasn't from "our circle", instead it was about someone who I had just spoke to the day before. Someone who had been sick for a few years but I thought GOD would leave here because it wasn't their time. Well I guess I was wrong! Reggie had passed.......
Reggie was my cousin who was only 1 month older than me, my first favorite "boy" cousin. The one who I remember as a junk talking, bolegged little chunky monkey. He had moved from here to Florida with my aunt, uncle and his older brother when we were kids. So I didn't see much of him after we had turned 7 yrs old or so. But when they came to visit which was often, I'd see him. Holidays, picnics, small family reunions, weddings, funerals.... I saw him. About 3 years prior word had traveled that he had cancer. How was that suppose to even make sense? He's too young to have cancer, they must be wrong! Nope..... He battled lymphoma , and boy did he battle. For 3yrs he fought hard, still staying true to himself. I admired his strength so much because there were days I'd text or he'd text and you couldn't tell he was in pain. There would be fb posts with smiling pictures but he was in pain and you'd have no clue. Life went on. The cancer didn't stop him..... But Feb 3, 2013 was the day cancer won..... And that was the day my life changed!
Auntie Lisa is what I called her, but she was really my Godmom. She was the happiest person I think I've ever met. She always kept you laughing. She had a hard life but you couldn't tell because she never showed it (at least not to me). She was a paraplegic , bound to the wheel chair BUT that didn't stop her. She use to walk, but an accident from back in the 80's left her handicapped. I don't remember it, I was just a baby when it happened. Anyways, she was the most independent person, she had a car that was hand controlled, she had her own place and she worked. In her spare time she volunteered at different organizations like Mary Cariola and neighborhood churches. She was always on the move and if her determination didn't inspire you I don't know what would. My Godmom was a fiesty lil thang too, she wasn't shy about speaking her mind. I laugh to myself at how crazy she use to be, I loved her so, and she loved me. Always bringing up the fact that she was in the delivery room when I was born and how she was the first person to hold me even before my momma could. BUT She grew ill 2 years ago, but no one knew how ill she actually was. Being in the wheelchair started to take a toll on her body, and things began to deteriorate. On Jun 28, 2013 she went home to GOD..... And that was the day I felt like my the rest of my life would be pain!
I titled this piece "Death Ain't Natural" because I feel like it isn't. I know that EVERYBODY leaves this earth by means of death. But does that mean its ok? I'm afraid to die and maybe that's what I'm really battling here.... Seeing death isn't natural, and living through it dang sure isn't natural. I have pictures(from their funerals) of both Reggie and My Godmom in my phone and I scroll through to look at them often. I don't want to remember them that way but its so hard to let go. I almost wanted to pull my Godmom out of her casket when I saw her laying there. I questioned God when he took Reggie. I had "Lost" my complete natural mind! I looked at both of their stiff bodies and thought they were breathing. The devil was playing with my head......2 people who had so much more to live for. So much life ahead gone . I wonder can they see us, do they hear me when I'm talking to them?If they haven't crossed over yet aren't they missing all what's going on now? I feel so lost, so confused and so darn angry. I still haven't gained my footing yet and I dont know when I will, I want my cousin and Godmom back because I know living is hard but......"Death Aint Natural".....
I know it's been a while since I last wrote, I have been thrown off my rocker and I hate to admit it but I just didn't have the ability to get back up. The last time I wrote, spiritually I was in a GREAT place and then.....
It was a Sunday morning and I was driving the bus, at my layover at Irondequoit plaza. Just sitting there and my phone rings. I answer to a crying voice, instantly my heart dropped because this call was from an unlikely person (we don't talk often if at all), so I instantly thought something from "Our Circle" had happened. BUT much to my surprise it wasn't from "our circle", instead it was about someone who I had just spoke to the day before. Someone who had been sick for a few years but I thought GOD would leave here because it wasn't their time. Well I guess I was wrong! Reggie had passed.......
Reggie was my cousin who was only 1 month older than me, my first favorite "boy" cousin. The one who I remember as a junk talking, bolegged little chunky monkey. He had moved from here to Florida with my aunt, uncle and his older brother when we were kids. So I didn't see much of him after we had turned 7 yrs old or so. But when they came to visit which was often, I'd see him. Holidays, picnics, small family reunions, weddings, funerals.... I saw him. About 3 years prior word had traveled that he had cancer. How was that suppose to even make sense? He's too young to have cancer, they must be wrong! Nope..... He battled lymphoma , and boy did he battle. For 3yrs he fought hard, still staying true to himself. I admired his strength so much because there were days I'd text or he'd text and you couldn't tell he was in pain. There would be fb posts with smiling pictures but he was in pain and you'd have no clue. Life went on. The cancer didn't stop him..... But Feb 3, 2013 was the day cancer won..... And that was the day my life changed!
Auntie Lisa is what I called her, but she was really my Godmom. She was the happiest person I think I've ever met. She always kept you laughing. She had a hard life but you couldn't tell because she never showed it (at least not to me). She was a paraplegic , bound to the wheel chair BUT that didn't stop her. She use to walk, but an accident from back in the 80's left her handicapped. I don't remember it, I was just a baby when it happened. Anyways, she was the most independent person, she had a car that was hand controlled, she had her own place and she worked. In her spare time she volunteered at different organizations like Mary Cariola and neighborhood churches. She was always on the move and if her determination didn't inspire you I don't know what would. My Godmom was a fiesty lil thang too, she wasn't shy about speaking her mind. I laugh to myself at how crazy she use to be, I loved her so, and she loved me. Always bringing up the fact that she was in the delivery room when I was born and how she was the first person to hold me even before my momma could. BUT She grew ill 2 years ago, but no one knew how ill she actually was. Being in the wheelchair started to take a toll on her body, and things began to deteriorate. On Jun 28, 2013 she went home to GOD..... And that was the day I felt like my the rest of my life would be pain!
I titled this piece "Death Ain't Natural" because I feel like it isn't. I know that EVERYBODY leaves this earth by means of death. But does that mean its ok? I'm afraid to die and maybe that's what I'm really battling here.... Seeing death isn't natural, and living through it dang sure isn't natural. I have pictures(from their funerals) of both Reggie and My Godmom in my phone and I scroll through to look at them often. I don't want to remember them that way but its so hard to let go. I almost wanted to pull my Godmom out of her casket when I saw her laying there. I questioned God when he took Reggie. I had "Lost" my complete natural mind! I looked at both of their stiff bodies and thought they were breathing. The devil was playing with my head......2 people who had so much more to live for. So much life ahead gone . I wonder can they see us, do they hear me when I'm talking to them?If they haven't crossed over yet aren't they missing all what's going on now? I feel so lost, so confused and so darn angry. I still haven't gained my footing yet and I dont know when I will, I want my cousin and Godmom back because I know living is hard but......"Death Aint Natural".....
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Forgiveness
The ability to forgive has been a countless battle among all generations. People have a hard time forgiving themselves or others who may have wronged them. It's a topic that needs to be discussed, it's a force that needs to tackled. On my journey to better understanding, I have been trying to come to terms with this.
Forgiveness is a HUGE word in the christian community. So many will tell you how the lord tells you to forgive and to not hold onto evil. They say "God will handle it", and "How can you expect God to forgive you of your wrong doing but you won't forgive others of theirs". I know these , I believe them to be true. But even with knowing , I still battle with the concept.
I suppose in order forgive you must first learn to trust. Trust and forgiveness come hand in hand. Why? Because, when you trust someone, you are giving them the power to one day let you down. No one is perfect, so of course someday they will betray your trust in one way or another. So with that, you must learn to forgive knowing that you'll have to come face to face with the harsh reality that everything isn't always good. If a person holds onto anger and resentment, they are killing their soul. I'm no stranger to heartache and pain, but I'm also no stranger to the word of God. Even when I know I've been wronged, I find a way to press on. But I've noticed that even though I kept pushing forward I was dying inside. I've held onto pain, to anger, to hurt feelings, to my crushed pride, to a dark past, to a painful reality and most importantly to a self hatred. I've pushed forward only to notice I wasn't getting very far. I became a crippled girl in a woman's body , trying to walk on my feet only to notice my legs weren't moving.
To forgive is to release. You are releasing the pain, releasing the bond that has been tied to issue. When you harbor those feelings , you are polluting your mind, your soul and your body. The person whom you are mad with doesn't feel none of the things you feel. They still go on with their lives, they can't feel your pain. So who is hurting more? You or them?!They say you can't change the past, and that you must learn to accept it and move on. What if the thing that has held you back for so long is too big to just move on from? What if the person I can't forgive is the person in the mirror?
I want to be able to set myself free from the pain, but I have to learn how to do that correctly or this battle will never be over.
How do you forgive someone who hurt you? How do you forgive yourself for the things you've done wrong?
Forgiveness is a HUGE word in the christian community. So many will tell you how the lord tells you to forgive and to not hold onto evil. They say "God will handle it", and "How can you expect God to forgive you of your wrong doing but you won't forgive others of theirs". I know these , I believe them to be true. But even with knowing , I still battle with the concept.
I suppose in order forgive you must first learn to trust. Trust and forgiveness come hand in hand. Why? Because, when you trust someone, you are giving them the power to one day let you down. No one is perfect, so of course someday they will betray your trust in one way or another. So with that, you must learn to forgive knowing that you'll have to come face to face with the harsh reality that everything isn't always good. If a person holds onto anger and resentment, they are killing their soul. I'm no stranger to heartache and pain, but I'm also no stranger to the word of God. Even when I know I've been wronged, I find a way to press on. But I've noticed that even though I kept pushing forward I was dying inside. I've held onto pain, to anger, to hurt feelings, to my crushed pride, to a dark past, to a painful reality and most importantly to a self hatred. I've pushed forward only to notice I wasn't getting very far. I became a crippled girl in a woman's body , trying to walk on my feet only to notice my legs weren't moving.
To forgive is to release. You are releasing the pain, releasing the bond that has been tied to issue. When you harbor those feelings , you are polluting your mind, your soul and your body. The person whom you are mad with doesn't feel none of the things you feel. They still go on with their lives, they can't feel your pain. So who is hurting more? You or them?!They say you can't change the past, and that you must learn to accept it and move on. What if the thing that has held you back for so long is too big to just move on from? What if the person I can't forgive is the person in the mirror?
I want to be able to set myself free from the pain, but I have to learn how to do that correctly or this battle will never be over.
How do you forgive someone who hurt you? How do you forgive yourself for the things you've done wrong?
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Why are "WE" single? Commitment!!
SINGLE.....
I am a "single" mother of 2 little girls, The oldest being 8 years, and the youngest being 1 year. There are so many women around me, and in my "circle" who are either single and/or single mothers. Let's ask the question , WHY?
Back as far as I can remember, society and everything around us told us we were to grow up, get married and then start families. Obviously that idea went wrong somewhere. Or is it that we went wrong somewhere on that journey to obtain that ideal. Media painted this pretty picture of fairy tales, and how prince charming would come to sweep us off our feet, or save us from an evil step mother and a fire breathing dragon. We were to clean all day, sing sweet ballets and go to a royal ball. The Prince would instantly spot us because of our beauty and we'd wed. Well, guess what? It doesn't happen like that in "real life". In fact, real life is so painfully disappointing that I now know why Disney sold little girls dream of happy endings and fairy tales. They knew that the expectations from their movies were so far from reality, that we'd buy them because anything had to be better than what we actually lived.
In New York State, according to an online census , 66% of African American children are living in single parent homes. Hispanic are at 54% and white are in at a low 21%. So with these numbers in mind, who do we blame??
Well I see a lot of women putting blame on the men. I use to blame the men too. But then if all the blame goes to the man, then when and for what are all the "Independent Women" held accountable for (I said independent because so many women have this notion that they don't "NEED" a man , for NOTHING)? They were so independent, that they independently chose this man, and conceived a child. So, I suppose that since you can't cry rape, you'll try to convince the world that he fooled you into believing he was your prince charming. That may have been exactly what he did, but your independent right? You are a STRONG WOMAN, you are so confident, that without hesitation you decided to take his EVERY word and trust him with EVERY piece of your existence. In turn, allowing a stranger to come into your world, one who hasn't proved he is even worthy of such a privilege. Enter into your sanctuary, release himself into you and exit stage left when he is done. He'd pop in and out over a few months or even a year periodically to handle his "business", to stop your complaining and to make sure no other man is sniffing around his tree. But that was acceptable, right? You never complained as long as he was doing the minimal. Then you happen to end up pregnant, and he tells you he doesn't want any babies. OK, well you dismiss that, because it's too late. You have the baby, and then what? You automatically think this man will marry you. Its 2013, those men who step up to the plate have come and gone. They are either already married, or they aren't frequenting the places you go as entertainment in search of a husband like the club, bar, etc (you wont find a husband in those places) . And why should he step up now, there are so many women who will allow him to behave in less than satisfactory ways because they too have no clear expectations, but expect him to know what she wants without her never opening her mouth to do so.
But let's be honest, you weren't positioning yourself to receive anything better than that 30% man ( he is 30% because that's all he ever gave of himself and his time, no commitment) because you had already given him the cow. Like the old saying goes, "Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free?". In my previous post I talked about "Commitment". We as women haven't grabbed the concept completely. If we want a man to commit to us, we must first commit to ourselves. Allowing a man to come into your life, do with you as he pleases without setting an expectations of the relationship will be the cause to your heart ache and downfall. African American women are leading their homes in New York State in astonishing numbers. And not to say that every situation is the same, but what happened to the ideal of love and marriage. Why are we ultimately failing our children, then taking no blame for it. It is our responsibility as mothers to provide the best possible life for the children we birth. Why is it that the white community has a lower number of single parent homes? I'm sure this will cause raise some eyebrows, and cause some debates. I'm welcoming everyone to take the questions I asked in this post and answer them. I want to hear what my readers may feel about this.
So , the line is open. Let's discuss!
I am a "single" mother of 2 little girls, The oldest being 8 years, and the youngest being 1 year. There are so many women around me, and in my "circle" who are either single and/or single mothers. Let's ask the question , WHY?
Back as far as I can remember, society and everything around us told us we were to grow up, get married and then start families. Obviously that idea went wrong somewhere. Or is it that we went wrong somewhere on that journey to obtain that ideal. Media painted this pretty picture of fairy tales, and how prince charming would come to sweep us off our feet, or save us from an evil step mother and a fire breathing dragon. We were to clean all day, sing sweet ballets and go to a royal ball. The Prince would instantly spot us because of our beauty and we'd wed. Well, guess what? It doesn't happen like that in "real life". In fact, real life is so painfully disappointing that I now know why Disney sold little girls dream of happy endings and fairy tales. They knew that the expectations from their movies were so far from reality, that we'd buy them because anything had to be better than what we actually lived.
In New York State, according to an online census , 66% of African American children are living in single parent homes. Hispanic are at 54% and white are in at a low 21%. So with these numbers in mind, who do we blame??
Well I see a lot of women putting blame on the men. I use to blame the men too. But then if all the blame goes to the man, then when and for what are all the "Independent Women" held accountable for (I said independent because so many women have this notion that they don't "NEED" a man , for NOTHING)? They were so independent, that they independently chose this man, and conceived a child. So, I suppose that since you can't cry rape, you'll try to convince the world that he fooled you into believing he was your prince charming. That may have been exactly what he did, but your independent right? You are a STRONG WOMAN, you are so confident, that without hesitation you decided to take his EVERY word and trust him with EVERY piece of your existence. In turn, allowing a stranger to come into your world, one who hasn't proved he is even worthy of such a privilege. Enter into your sanctuary, release himself into you and exit stage left when he is done. He'd pop in and out over a few months or even a year periodically to handle his "business", to stop your complaining and to make sure no other man is sniffing around his tree. But that was acceptable, right? You never complained as long as he was doing the minimal. Then you happen to end up pregnant, and he tells you he doesn't want any babies. OK, well you dismiss that, because it's too late. You have the baby, and then what? You automatically think this man will marry you. Its 2013, those men who step up to the plate have come and gone. They are either already married, or they aren't frequenting the places you go as entertainment in search of a husband like the club, bar, etc (you wont find a husband in those places) . And why should he step up now, there are so many women who will allow him to behave in less than satisfactory ways because they too have no clear expectations, but expect him to know what she wants without her never opening her mouth to do so.
But let's be honest, you weren't positioning yourself to receive anything better than that 30% man ( he is 30% because that's all he ever gave of himself and his time, no commitment) because you had already given him the cow. Like the old saying goes, "Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free?". In my previous post I talked about "Commitment". We as women haven't grabbed the concept completely. If we want a man to commit to us, we must first commit to ourselves. Allowing a man to come into your life, do with you as he pleases without setting an expectations of the relationship will be the cause to your heart ache and downfall. African American women are leading their homes in New York State in astonishing numbers. And not to say that every situation is the same, but what happened to the ideal of love and marriage. Why are we ultimately failing our children, then taking no blame for it. It is our responsibility as mothers to provide the best possible life for the children we birth. Why is it that the white community has a lower number of single parent homes? I'm sure this will cause raise some eyebrows, and cause some debates. I'm welcoming everyone to take the questions I asked in this post and answer them. I want to hear what my readers may feel about this.
So , the line is open. Let's discuss!
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Commitment....
Trying to change your way of life isn't easy by no means. That's one of the reasons why so many of us fail at our resolutions. This ties so well into my "No Resolutions" chapter of my journey because without commitment, you will fail at attempting to do anything.
Commitment- the act of committing , pledging or engaging oneself. A pledge or a promise:
Commitment is something that we have to do everyday of our lives, but so many of us don't know how to grasp that task. In relationships we lack commitment, in work we lack commitment, in family we lack commitment and in ourselves we lack commitment. The circumstances of a situation shouldn't diminish the greatness of your idea. If you set out to obtain something, than work towards that. Strive to do better. I recently realized that I've never actually committed my whole self to ANYTHING ever. That is the reason why I'm not where I should be in my life, whether personal or business related.
I watched a sermon from Bishop T.D Jakes, and he spoke about how women want husbands but don't want the commitment that goes along with it and vice versa.
"You want a husband, but you don't want to be a wife. You're just a girl who wants a man, you're not a wife. You can't have a man and not change your life. Even if you buy a dog or a gold fish it will in some form change your life. You can't get married, but talk about "I got to be myself" , Well then you shouldn't of got married"- T.D Jakes
When I read that passage from his sermon, I swear I had an epiphany because it made so much sense to me. How can I expect the aspects of my life to change if I'm not willing to change myself first. I have to first commit to my well being before I add the responsibility of being responsible for another person on such a deep level. Going as far as being friends with people requires commitment, if you can't be a TRUE friend then don't enter into that contract with them. When I wrote my first blog on No Resolutions, I had no idea how deep I would go into this topic. You can't set resolutions for the New Year if you don't have a commitment to what is it that you wish to obtain. Don't worry about pleasing other people, you WILL NOT be able to make everyone happy. First start with yourself. In order to receive love , you must first love. In order to receive commitment, you must first commit to yourself. This is a journey that has no time limit, but this is also a journey that won't be completely successful until I dedicate myself to the outcome;the greater good.
So as I move forward with my greater connection to GOD and to the betterment of my life along with my two little girls, I'm praying for the ability to fully commitment. This will be a process. I'm excited to see what doors will open for me, and YOU!
Until next time..... Thanks for reading, watching and supporting.
Much Love,
Ericka
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